Sarah: Michael spends way too much time at the office. It seems like all he cares about is work. When he is at home he’s always busy with something or preoccupied. He puts anything and everything before me. It’s like he barely knows I exist.
Melissa: He doesn’t know what he’s missing. But he better figure it out soon. If he doesn’t know how to treat you there are plenty of men out there who would treat you a thousand times better than that. You’re a beautiful wonderful woman and you deserve much better!
Sarah: Well, I’m not looking for anyone else. I just want things to be like they used to be. We used to spend lots of time together. Every evening and every weekend belonged to us. Lately we have not even spent a whole day together. He would rather go golfing with his friends from work than spend a day with me.
Melissa: Typical! You don’t have to put up with that! I wouldn’t. He has no right to treat you like that. I’d give him an ultimatum. He would either spend time with me and treat me right or I’d say “see ya!”
The discussion went on, but you get the idea. Sarah is sad and hurting and, rightfully, turned to a friend for comfort. Melissa probably thinks she is being very supportive like a friend should. But in reality she is hurting Sarah much more than she is helping her.
Melissa doesn’t know the whole story. She is jumping to conclusions and assuming the absolute worst about Michael. She is also giving her friend terrible advice that would only serve to further harm her marriage and make Sarah even more unhappy than she already is.
The moral of this story is to be careful who you confide in about your marriage problems. If you are committed to making your marriage work the last thing you need is bad advice from others. You certainly don’t need for someone else to tell you how horrible your spouse is and that you deserve better. Such people have an incredibly destructive influence under the auspices of being helpful. This is not good for your marriage.
It is generally a good thing to seek support of friends. But, make sure you are seeking out sources of support that are beneficial and appropriate. These should be people who are not only safe and confidential, but who also have your very best interests in mind. Find people who want to encourage you and your marriage to succeeed.
